Remembering
Meandering Through Memories of Heather

Heather - who grew up to be a confident young woman in front of a television camera and large audiences - was shy when she was little ....and sensitive.

One time at the supper table when she was 4 - I had given her a glass of milk in what I thought was her glass. Our 3 kids at the time each had a glass with Donald Duck's nephews on them. Lee's was white, Adam's was blue, and Heather's was pink. Unfortunately, Heather's lost it's color in the dishwasher so I could only guess which one was her's and which one was Lee's....but Heather knew.

That time I looked over and noticed that she looked so sad with tears in her eyes. Her little heart was broken because she didn't have her very own (no longer pink) glass. She had Lee's.

I felt that her sensitivity that day was due to my having just started work at a new job and having to take her to a babysitter. She had been used to my taking care of her during the day but now she was dropped off somewhere else. That was hard on me, too. When I saw her cry - I cried. I didn't realize when I started that job that it would be so traumatic for us both.

On her CD , one of the songs she sings is Breakaway. The 2nd time I heard it - I thought - why would she like that song? It made me feel sad to think that she felt like that until I remembered how I felt when I was younger. It has nothing to do with not loving the family you came from but just the inner need to do what your parents raised you to do - and that is to fly off on your own - be able to make it and be responsible and productive. Heather certainly did that and beyond.

About a month ago I told her in an email that I was so proud of her and nothing that she had accomplished surprised me and she emailed back thanking me for that email! She seemed genuinely happy that I told her that among other things. Maybe I didn't tell her before how proud I was of her...or maybe it was something else. (?) She had to know I loved her...I never held back from telling her that.

She was very careful about her privacy and for her family's and I understand. That didn't stop her from being open and kind to all that she met. She led what many think is an enviable life but the down side of it is - privacy becomes paramount. The rest of us take it for granted.

I asked her recently if she could remember a time when she definitely knew that she had an answer to prayer. She said "Every day". She learned not to take life for granted...and looked at it as a gift. That's why she encouraged people to take those they loved to a cherished place and share it with them. One of hers was the Columbus Zoo.

The last time I was visiting Heather (before the final time) she had just had a chemo session and it drained her - which was unusual. This time the chemo didn't work....and she was having pain. I sat there seeing her in pain and it scared me so much I had to go upstairs so I could cry out to God to please help her. I stayed up there a few more minutes to collect myself and when I went downstairs again Heather said. "Mom were you praying for me?" I said "I'm always praying for you "... Then she said "Because soon after you went upstairs the pain left!"

I wish it had been an answer to my constant prayer that the cancer would miraculously just disappear - but that wasn't to be. God's ways are not our ways...and we have to trust Him. I think Heather knew that.

I am so proud of her.